For Parents / Carers

About anxiety, stress and worry …
Anxiety is a normal emotion that can be useful and actually improve performance, but it is understandable to be concerned about your child if they seem more stressed or worried than usual. We all experience anxiety at times – it is often an appropriate response to events happening in our lives e.g. school transitions, exam times. However, it can become a problem when it is severe, prolonged or happening so often that it interferes with a child’s everyday life, eg. stops them from attending school.

Often children and young people who exhibit high levels of anxiety (which sometimes is shown in angry outbursts and aggressive behaviour) have learnt this response from other family members. Who else is anxious in the family and is this something that they can talk about with the young person? How does their anxiety present itself, who notices it and how is it managed, including what strategies and skills do they use to feel better? A child’s anxiety can also impact parents/carers and family life in general – you may have to do things a certain way or make adjustments for them.

Problematic anxiety occurs when we overestimate how likely or dangerous a worrying situation is and underestimate our ability to cope with it.

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About low mood …
Children and young people are not the first age group that comes to mind when we think of low mood but it is one of the most common referral reasons at Bromley Wellbeing. Feeling sad is often a normal response to events happening in our lives, but children and young people can end up ‘stuck’ in patterns of negative thinking and the low feelings do not go away.

These are some of the observable signs of low mood:

• Seems more down/less happy in general – do not seem like themselves
• Tearful or easily irritated
• Lacking motivation and energy
• Loss of interest in things they used to enjoy
• Spending increasing amount of time by themselves/not wanting to communicate
• Sleeping too much or too little
• Increase or decrease of appetite
• Poor concentration/easily distracted

It can be difficult for parents and carers to judge whether these are signs of low mood or whether they are just part of growing up. The stereotypical ‘moody teenager’ is irritable, cannot be bothered to do things and spends more time by themselves in their room than with the family. However, if their low mood appears persistent, with few or no periods of happiness, and it’s impacting their life at home, school and/or with their friends, it is likely they would benefit from some extra support.

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Addressing challenging behaviour and emotional outbursts

All children from toddlers to teenagers will have their challenging moments when they push boundaries or their behaviours cause concern. However, some children and young people really struggle to manage their emotions in a healthy, effective way which can lead to anger, aggression, conflict or emotional ‘meltdowns’ when the child appears to be overwhelmed to the point of distress. They may seem to swing into a ‘negative’ emotion very quickly, over the smallest of triggers and their reaction will seem completely disproportionate to the situation e.g screaming, crying, throwing things, etc. Additionally, it can take them a long time to calm down.

Like many aspects of emotional wellbeing, these difficulties can become a vicious cycle: outbursts or challenging behaviours create feelings of frustration or confusion – particularly if there are negative consequences – which then adversely affect mood, increasing the likelihood of another outburst. If these behaviours are creating problems at school and at home, it can be very easy for young people to be labelled and, to label themselves, as a ‘bad person’ or feel like people are picking on them.

If this is your main concern about your child's wellbeing and it is impacting family life, please consider speaking to your school SENCo and seeking support from Bromley Children Project who work with parents/carers to help address these issues with the whole family in mind.


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Advice for Parents & Carers

About disordered eating, over-exercising or body image issues ...
If this is a concern, a good first step is to take your child to the GP to check their weight, height and BMI. Your GP may also suggest a blood test to check other vital health considerations which may be indicative of a problem. This data can help you and other organisations make informed decisions.

For Bromley borough, the Child and Adolescent Eating Disorders Service is based at the Michael Rutter Centre at the Maudsley Hospital. They now have a self-referral telephone line for young people and their parents/carers, open 9am-6pm: 020 3228 2545.
Referrals can also be made via their website, which additionally has information about eligibility criteria and interventions offered:

NHS SLAM – Eating Disorders
If you have some concerns about the young person’s eating/weight, but emotional difficulties are the main presenting issue, a referral to Bromley Y may be the right first step.

Helpful resources:
BEAT : https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/
Where there is a lot of useful information about eating disorders generally and a helpline service.

Young Minds: Supporting Your Child with Eating Problems

Discovering that your child is self-harming can be very distressing, you may feel that you experience a range of emotions such as sadness, anxiety, anger, and guilt. However, it is really important to keep the focus on what you can do to support your child and not look place any blame on yourself or your child.

We know that self-harm is a form of communication, so try and think what your child might be communication through their self-harm. Try to speak to them about how they are feeling and what you might be able to do to help.

Some young people find talking about the self-harm very difficult as they may feel an element of shame. Perhaps you could try to talk about how they are generally without focusing solely on how and why they have hurt themselves.

We know that this is never an easy time for parents/carers. Help is available via your GP who may suggest a referral to a local service such as ourselves.

Hearing that your child has suicidal thoughts can feel devastating, you may also feel panicked and afraid.

It is important to understand that suicidal thoughts are common, but we must always take what the child is saying seriously.

Think about what they are communicating to you, are they having suicidal thoughts in response to a family situation, bullying or have you simply noticed that they are not happy right now.

Try to keep the line of communication open, as this will be your way of being able to connect and monitor how they are.

Be watchful of how your child behaves, try to get them to spend time where you can keep an eye on them rather than them being sat in their room.

Discuss any concerns you have with your GP who may make a referral to ourselves or another local agency to provide support and if you feel your child has any serious intention or plan to end their life then you should attend your local Accident & Emergency Department.